Overcoming Unforgiveness: A Journey to Freedom in Christ

Introduction

Every war begins on a battlefield. For many of us, that battlefield isn’t out there in the world — it’s right here, in our minds. Day after day, thoughts wander, accusations rise, shame whispers, and fears gnaw at us. If we’re not careful, those thoughts lead us down paths of bitterness, unforgiveness, and despair.

In my recent sermon series on Matthew 18, Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness opened our eyes to this battle. Unforgiveness begins as a thought — a replay, a judgment, a hidden ledger we keep against someone.

And left unchecked, that thought becomes a prison.

But Here’s the Good News:

Christ gives us weapons to win the battle of the mind.

1. Recognize the Battlefield

Matthew 18:21–35, the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, gives us an image of what causes us to hold on to offenses.

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant: An In-Depth Analysis

Matthew 18:21–35 presents the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, a powerful narrative that illustrates the profound implications of forgiveness and the human tendency to cling to offenses. This parable begins with Peter approaching Jesus to inquire about the limits of forgiveness. He asks how many times he should forgive someone who sins against him. Peter suggests a number—seven times—believing that this would be generous. However, Jesus responds with a radical teaching. He indicates that forgiveness should not be limited to just seven times, but rather “seventy-seven times” or, in some translations, “seventy times seven.” This response sets the stage for the parable that follows, deepening our understanding of forgiveness and the reasons we often struggle to let go of past grievances.

The Story Unfolds

In the parable, Jesus tells of a king who wishes to settle accounts with his servants. One servant owes an enormous debt, a sum so large that it is beyond comprehension—ten thousand talents, which would equate to millions of dollars in today’s currency. When the king orders that the servant be sold along with his family to repay the debt, the servant falls to his knees, pleading for mercy. The king, moved by compassion, forgives the debt entirely, releasing the servant from this overwhelming burden.

However, the narrative takes a dramatic turn. This same servant encounters a fellow servant who owes him a much smaller amount—one hundred denarii. Instead of extending the same mercy he received, the unforgiving servant seizes his fellow servant by the throat and demands immediate payment. When the fellow servant begs for patience, the unforgiving servant refuses and has him thrown into prison until the debt is paid.

The Consequences of Unforgiveness

The story reaches its climax when the king learns of the unforgiving servant’s actions. Furious, the king summons him and rebukes him for failing to show the same mercy that had been granted to him. The king then delivers a harsh consequence: the unforgiving servant is to be tortured until he can repay the original debt. This conclusion serves as a stark reminder of the seriousness of unforgiveness and the repercussions it can bring, not only to our relationships with others but also to our relationship with God.

2. The Underlying Causes of Holding on to Offenses

The parable reveals several key reasons why individuals may hold on to offenses rather than forgive. One primary cause is the misunderstanding of the nature of forgiveness itself. Many perceive forgiveness as a weakness or a relinquishment of justice. They believe that to forgive is to let the offender off the hook. This perspective can lead to a cycle of resentment and bitterness, as the individual clings to their hurt instead of seeking healing.

Another reason for holding onto offenses is the desire for control. By nursing grievances, individuals may feel a sense of power over their situation or the person who wronged them. This false sense of control can be intoxicating, but it ultimately leads to emotional and spiritual bondage, much like the unforgiving servant who was bound by his refusal to forgive.

Additionally, pride can play a significant role in the decision to withhold forgiveness. The belief that one is justified in their anger or hurt can create a sense of superiority over the offender. This pride can prevent individuals from recognizing their need for grace and mercy, as exemplified by the king’s forgiveness of the servant's enormous debt.

3. The Call to Forgiveness

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant ultimately serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of extending forgiveness to others. It challenges us to reflect on the grace we have received and to consider how we can mirror that grace in our interactions with those who have wronged us. By embracing a spirit of forgiveness, we not only free ourselves from the burdens of resentment and anger but also align ourselves with Christ's teachings. He calls us to love and forgive as we have been loved and forgiven.

In conclusion, Matthew 18:21–35 encourages us to examine the reasons we hold onto offenses and urges us to cultivate a heart of forgiveness. The parable illustrates that true freedom lies in letting go of past hurts, embracing compassion, and recognizing our own need for mercy. Through this understanding, we can begin to break the chains of unforgiveness and experience the transformative power of grace in our lives.

The Next Step is to Refuse the Lie

Unforgiveness whispers lies: “You have the right to hold this against them.” Fear says: “You’re never going to change.” Shame murmurs: “You’re not worthy of love.”

But Matthew 18 shows us that Jesus calls us to forgive seventy times seven — not because forgiveness is easy, but because it sets our hearts free. Refusing the lie means standing against thoughts that exalt themselves over God’s truth.

Fear says:

“You’re never going to change.” 

This is not “positive thinking.” It’s replacing a lie with the authority of God’s Word.

The Next Step is to Renew the Mind Daily

The battle of the mind is not won in a single day. It’s a daily practice of mind renewal. Dr. Caroline Leaf, Dr. Timothy Jennings, and Dr. W. Lee Warren all emphasize this truth from both science and Scripture: repeated thought patterns literally shape our brains.

Jesus knew this when He taught us to forgive repeatedly, to confront sin quickly, and to seek reconciliation persistently (Matt. 18:15–22). The daily renewal of the mind is how we live free in His kingdom.

Conclusion

The unforgiving servant in Matthew 18 lost the battle of the mind — he let resentment take root. But you and I have a choice. We can recognize the battlefield, refuse the lie, replace it with truth, and renew our minds daily.

Taking thoughts captive is not willpower. It’s surrender. It’s remembering that Christ has already won the decisive battle. The victory of the cross frees us not just from sin’s penalty but also from sin’s toxic thought patterns.

So today, when the battle rises in your mind, pause. Breathe. Pray. And declare: “This thought belongs to Christ. My mind belongs to Christ. And I will live free.”